Let's start with a short story
Once in office, I used to be the employee who has answers for everything. Employees from other departments used to consult me whenever they have queries to resolve. However, it was not so difficult to learn what is required. I just read the knowledge articles which was there for free. Others in my team did not care for it, therefore they lack the knowledge I eventually gathered. This resulted in pride, that I know more than others, although knowing full well that the information is available free for everyone. However, also knowing that others won't pay any attention to it. Once I left the organization, never that knowledge that existed in me was revered like I imagined and never it resulted in praise, payments, or even acknowledgment. Because what I know was for that one bubble and that bubble was not even transparent so I could have at least gotten a reality check. That's that! I got humbled after three years.
It had a background story on why I was so obsessed with others' approvals
Back in college I was a people pleaser, even if I did not portray myself as such. I used to crave approvals, and for that, I was also giving more than what one should. Help needed or not, I was there for someone I do not even like. More so, grooming people like a project, why? The realization hit when I started to deteriorate, my health declined drastically. Physically, I recuperated and got better. Emotionally and mentally, I knew I have created a void by giving too much when people in question were not reciprocating. A void at that time felt like I may not be able to give to anybody because I don't have that in me anymore. If I want to groom someone, I myself doesn't look groomed (which was not true). So, before superiority complex kicked in, I had inferiority complex already set in my bones.
Back to the original story
There is a void, on top of that inferiority complex, further on top sits the newly found superiority complex. At that time, understanding self-love and knowing that it can fill the void completely is the knowledge nowhere near me. Although I knew something isn't right. I started detaching myself from relations which were too strenuous. Ghosted a few friends (I know this isn't the right way), broke up with the college bf, and tried to start life with a fresh attitude. But something else was in the picture. Later I realized what was it. I do not recommend now that one should choose this path of isolation. There are much better ways to cope with situations like I described.
Diseases, any disease first get ethericized and then physicalized
As per theosophy, any energy, a diseased energy in this case, first come into our mental plane, then emotional plane, and then our physical plane that is our body. If you feel any intuition or you have a gut feeling, make sure you diagnose it and prevent it from physicalizing. Or sometimes, when there is no diseased energy, it is our own complex mind that attracts it. In my case, I was already accumulating it for so many years that it physicalized in the form of Tuberculosis. On a positive side, it gave me a much-needed break. One year away from office, career tension, relationship problems, and family squabbles. I recuperated, focused on myself, got back my healthy weight and glow.
But is it all worth it?
First of all, the story never ends. It is always one thing after the other. You need to face it, discern, and make decisions that is best for your health, keeping in mind your near and dear ones. It remains an ongoing process because now you have the awareness. When we don't have it, we tend to either escape from the problems or face it keep it accumulating by being in our lower emotions. Both options are equally dangerous but later is terrifying for one's soul.
But questions pop, you know? what would have happened if I have responsible adults around who could have directed me in the right path. Up until 25 years, your frontal cortex doesn't fully develop, so your logical brain might not function as an adult, or it might not be able to see things from different angles and make an informed decision.
Now that I am an adult, I see adults have their own struggles. They have children, sure, for whom they are responsible. But ground reality is far from the preachings we all have been fed all along. It is not their fault; it is not anybody's fault. If there is any, it is our fault. After the age of 25, we are on our own because our brains are now fully developed. Late bloomers are excused here and other people whose development are medically halted due to one or other conditions.
What I am really saying here is I am out of blame game too. What helped me? My experiences, observations, and because I wanted to and made a firm decision (this is the first step). My willingness paved the path and channeled me into the path of people that helped. Gratitude to the people who pushed me to the extremes and then gratitude to those who helped me get out of it. In between, is my willingness to get better and better everyday. My meditation trainers, healers, yoga trainers - all are like angels in my life.
Still learning
Of course, learning never stops. But do I still have superiority complex? It hasn't fully gone. It never does. Whenever you start something new or even acquire a knowledge that others don't, the complex pops up. It is now my choice to acknowledge it but never take action on it. This is not a pent up emotion, but more so like I see the other side. I see things from people's point of view, and therefore, feel less and less urge to be at the top with negative pride. If someone near me has to think before speaking because I might judge, there is something I am wrong at.
Overall, the cycle of somebody having superiority complex is more or less the same. This representation in this infographic might simplify things.
What's the take?
I don't want people to spend years and years to learn what I learnt. At this moment, I might say this is life. Yes it is! Vicissitudes of life are for us to face. But a guidance can do wonders. More than you understand and acknowledge. The best part is that guidance comes from within. It is not somebody else who is making decisions for us. Not our parents, siblings, teachers, partners. We do it by developing ourselves to discern all situations deeply. To do that, we need guides and trainers. We don't need anybody to make decisions for us. That's what I advocate because having the power to decide and live with it is the true freedom. At least, that's what I have experienced in this life.
One thing we sometimes fail to understand about our lower emotions, be it this superiority complex or any other, is that they make fake scenarios in your head. We mentally criticize people and situations and thus create this fake world. We often overlook this within us, even if we claim we are not in lower emotions.
If one needs to go further into studying superiority complex, then I might suggest reading Alfred Adler. He is the first person to use the term and explain it. You will be mesmerized on how relatable his theories are.
That's that! Let me know if you like what you read here. Thank you for your time! ๐
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